HONG KONG — Former senior radio executive Chow Kwok-fung has released a deeply personal memoir documenting his mother’s battle with dementia, offering an unflinching look at caregiving, family secrets, and the cultural pressures that shaped their relationship.
The book, titled She Forgets, I Remember: Island Big Sister Lian, chronicles Chow’s experiences caring for his aging mother, affectionately nicknamed “Daai Lin Jie” after the remote island community where they lived. The 40000-word manuscript explores themes of memory loss, filial duty, and the lies families tell to protect loved ones.
Chow, who rose through the ranks at Radio Television Hong Kong to become Assistant Director of Broadcasting before leaving in 2021, gained wider fame as a judge on the popular singing competition Midlife Good Voice. His mother, now in her 90s, had once encouraged his musical ambitions, hoping he would achieve pop stardom like Andy Lau.
A Son’s Perspective
The idea for the book emerged after Chow performed in a musical about Nobel laureate and fiber-optic pioneer Charles K. Kao, who also suffered from dementia. “I thought, while my mother still has some memory, could I write a book as a gift to her?” Chow told local media.
The book candidly addresses the family’s decision not to seek a formal dementia diagnosis. Their family doctor advised against it given the mother’s advanced age and aversion to medication. Chow describes watching her condition deteriorate while grappling with guilt and hesitation about writing such a personal account.
“I thought, forget it, I’ll write everything first and see,” he recalled. “When the publisher read it and said they were moved, I finally felt relieved.”
Cultural Conflicts and Family Secrets
Chow’s parents were Teochew Chinese with deeply traditional views—a worldview he openly rejects. His father was a pathological gambler who died when Chow was eight, leaving his mother to raise five children alone. That struggle forged her extreme frugality, which Chow describes as both admirable and exasperating.
“We constantly had to lie to her, saying meals were government-subsidized or that we had coupons,” he wrote. “I’ve told her countless lies over the years.”
Her distrust of women—stemming from her husband’s betrayals—extended to her daughters-in-law. Chow acknowledges this contributed to the breakdown of his 2008 marriage to former actress Lee Ka-yee, though he deliberately omits details out of respect for his ex-wife.
Embracing Solitude
Now single for over 15 years, Chow insists he hasn’t sworn off relationships but has accepted his circumstances. “Freedom has its pros and cons. You can’t be greedy—having one thing means you can’t have another,” he said.
He has already scouted nursing homes in Zhuhai, China, preparing for the future. “Since I chose to be single, I’ll figure it out myself.”
The book, available in Hong Kong bookstores, offers what Chow calls “a son’s emotional narrative” of shared memories—including his mother’s astonishing ability to recall all 100 fortune sticks from Wong Tai Sin Temple despite having only a primary school education.
“She can’t understand what my book means anymore,” he said. “Maybe that’s for the best, since it also records her difficult traits.”
Full interview appears in Tuesday’s edition of Ming Pao Daily News.
